我的眼泪。。

上个星期四的下午，叶小姐的妈给了我个来电。
正好刚庆祝完爱莉莎的生日小派对，
跟我说了好多
叫我离开她女儿的话
而我就在哪儿听
载了david 和zizi 回家后
立刻眼泪在眼眶流下
不是她妈给了我难听的话
而是我害怕。。
她会我离而去
不是怕她对我不理不睬
而是怕她会为她妈而放弃我。。

刚才和她 skype 了一下，
她告诉会尝试改变自己，去变回原本的她
做回她应该做的东西， 而我也知道她很爱她妈。

虽然我预测到这个结果，但是当她亲口告诉我时，
我真的崩溃了，我真的很不想去接收这事实。
当时，我眼泪掉了
她也知道了，虽然我没哭出声
都不知道她怎样感觉到的。。
还是她已猜到我一定会哭？

以前，我都提醒她，我们现在是朋友， 叫她别想多
不果当刚才她跟我说：we will be close friend, but nothing more, and u should be that too.
那时看到这信息时，突然好像停止呼吸似的
好像已经快吸不到另一口气了
感觉好害怕
很恐怖。。

现在除了有空虚的感觉自外，还有一种被遗弃的感觉
好像没人可以给我依靠了。（除了朋友）
好像少了一个爱我的人
难道我只可以一个人撑下去吗？

tired day...

today have a replacement job for a friend
but actually i dunno who she really are.. blur*
as usual.. i always forgot stuff especially names...
that who i just knew them in short period time n seldom get in touch
i always forget.. paiseh la..

although the payment of job is not very high,
but i have no regrets for it cuz
i knew a good agent today..
friendly person...
n got to know a new girl called apple..
haha cute name..
today just keep talking to her
so time pass fast
yahoo..
although i need 2 wear high heels but i still feel better compared that i need 2 stuck in watson alone
thats make me feel damn sienzz...

after work meet up with edric n celyn..
drop them to drink tea house..

just so sudden..

actually i dont have any idea to post any thing cuz im not usual to post everything that i done for the day like diaries

today saw a touch drama that was so sudden cuz i stop watching drama long time, even tv programe

下一站幸福.. i like that little boy.. cute

cuz my internet hv abit problem that make me cant online for these few days
so force to watch tv proggrame

n make me cant get update with my babe's blog
saw elissa's blog..
feel abit sorry n guilty for her
suddenly the close friends of her are not with her in the school anymore
me, junyi, n meli
remain boey n celyn ( the old gangs of mass comm that we know for like so long ) actually just a year.. haha

i can feel her loneliness
n i feel sorry for her cuz im leaving her also..
n i will really miss u guys, n d moment that i spend with u all.. ^^

i hate my self

these few days busy with the days at iact..
went for their workshop and learn some basic stuff
n have their lovely lunch
iact sedang rugi.. haha
went to 8tv n fly fm, feel some disappointed with their system.

i mean wow.. kecilnya... 8864 n Quikie is on d same room..
so sempit.. pity d host n d videographer.

2nd day of the talk.. me n alvin sudah lewat for 1hr 30mins
cuz of d traffic jam n dim sum.

that dim sum is d most worst dim sum that i hvn had
n d service is so bad n slow. some more is costly..
1st time n the last time go there.

Bad luck for these 2 day also.. hv 2 minor accidents..
because i lack of sleep n make me cant fully focus in road.
i thought i will be very free to finish my book in a week time.
but lastly i cant even further my pages after the 1st time reading.

Aku memang busy.. haha

N sorry cant make it with d dates with my friends.. sorry guys
abit busy now... so i will keep my updates in blog
miss u all..

i need time , 24hrs per day is not enough for me
i need more to do my stuff, hv fun and play with my friends
N i also need some rest for my mind..

after 2 days workshop,
hv a steamboat dinner with alvin n chee long
hv some chit chat than went to blue with alvin
play to d max in blue
keep drinking
n the next day i regret when i flash back
what a mess on that night.
image spoilt man..
n i realise i cant get drunk anymore
n i don't want to embarrass myself anymore..
no mix alcohol drinks pls..
im not a good drinker..

空闲日。。

A message rang me up this morning
" darling wake up?" from elissa..
she told me she is coming to my house with david
but i remain my sleep after the message
haha.. i hvn wake la..
after 20mins of rolling bed than force to wake up >___<
they reached my house after i finish my brushing
n i still in pyjamas.. *shy* d only guy that saw me in this outfit..
open d door for them n continue my up keep.
still need 2 wait for boey until 12.30
b4 meet up with boey, eli n david accompany me for car wash.
panasnya.. all of us sweating.
after car wash meet up boey n hv chicken rice.
nike n alvin recommanded..
real nice.. but we order to much chicken n vege
n we should order more pork.. yummy
can feel d crispy of it.. haha
after our lunch then fetch them back to my house
n eli turn to be d driver.
me will continue to leisure mall ^^
not play or dates is just hv some shopping n pay my phone bills.
ei.. dun misunderstand im not buying cloths, shoes or accessories.
i just bought some hair oil n some magazine n book.
isnt unbelievable?
ppl who noe me knew that i hate books alot,
n usually i dont read haha..
After paying my bills i dint go 2 see any cloths stuff but i went to popular.
oh.. man
i went in n find some books that can get my attraction.
normally, magazine that mostly young adults like to read.
but i refuse to read also.. what a problem child
but i change my life today i bought 1 magazine n a book today.
hope i will finish that book.. dun repeat wt i done last time..

what should i do?

i have really no idea now... my mind is all stuck
should i temperory stop my studies now? or continue?
should i continue degree or start diploma
or even change courses?
nw i really realise, ucsi is just good in marketing in mass comm
not even film or advertise
n my wish is 2 learn about advertising in tvc
not just english, communication n writting.
i wan something new, not something that i learn b4 n just keep upgrading
n ucsi is more on acedemic.
d most important thing is i dunno wt course that really suite me
should i go for work as junyi say?
but i dun want 2 waste my time anymore, im aready late for half a year
before that usually junyi mah guide me when im in problem
n now she goin to go very soon
away from ucsi, mass comm
she scarifised her scholar...
my surrounding keep changes
because elissa maybe will stop too..
i hate this feeling cuz 2 close friend will be leaving and i dunwan 2 be alone T_____T
n i have no directions 2 lead my way in life
today is d last day for course selection
but im still empty now...